He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
