Soap is not a condiment
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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