I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
