Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
