may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My dick has a subreddit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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