The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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