Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just invented taco cereal.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
