when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
