"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
