Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
