Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
