Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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