If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
