actually, I'm a sock model
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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