I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize