anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
