My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
