I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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