If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
