Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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