she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize