How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
