hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
