margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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