That's intense
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
