The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
