I didn't shave. On purpose
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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