I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
