there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
