just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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