I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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