How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
