we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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