we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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