Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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