just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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