She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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