She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
