I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
