Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
