dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
