Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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