Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize