I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We are all done wearing pants today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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