Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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