You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
