I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
