If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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