You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Terrible idea I love it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
