I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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