Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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