I wanna bring you to show and tell
i will never coherently bang her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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