You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
