Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize