I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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