Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
