May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
