Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
