yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She's JV to your varsity
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
