My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Couch. On fire.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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