I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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