Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize