Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
