Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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