There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
