drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
