you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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