I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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