there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize