just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
