it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
