I will die if light touches me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
