I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Help. Why am I so naked?
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