Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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