He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
