but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
