So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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