I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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