it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
