I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
