I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
