Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just gift wrapped bread.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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