Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
