she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
