I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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