thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
