wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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