The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
