i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize