Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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