just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
